


Music is Everything

by citrussunscreen



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-24
Updated: 2010-06-24
Packaged: 2018-08-12 23:23:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7953202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/citrussunscreen/pseuds/citrussunscreen





	Music is Everything

**Title:** Music is Everything  
**Type:** One Shot  
**Characters:** DBSK, Junho  
**Pairing:** HoSu   
**Genre:** [fail!]Angst, Romance  
**Length:** ~2,000  
**Warning:** NC-17, Character death, semi-AU  
**A/N:** Because there was a while when I wanted to write a typical HoSu angst. The extra at the end of this is a simple conversation between Junsu and Yunho, it has nothing to do with “Music is Everything” I just felt like writing it.

 

Jung Yunho thanks God, thanks fate, thanks karma for letting him meet Kim Junsu.

\---

DBSK’s leader ran his fingers over Junsu’s rather hollow looking cheeks before he attached his lips to Junsu’s bare shoulder, kissing them, caressing them. Fingers gently rubbed smooth skin, Yunho smiled with pleasure as Junsu responded feverishly.

And as Yunho came, spilling his seeds inside of Junsu with a moan, Junsu found that his voice was caught in his throat, as though he were choking.

Yunho does not say anything as he pulls the other into his protective hold, his lips ghosting over Junsu’s neck before he closes his eyes, settling down for sleep.

.

.

.

Junsu struggles to push Yunho’s protective arm off him before he sits up, pulling the bed sheets to wrap around himself. He stretches his limbs and frowns when he finds that he’s aching all over, as though his muscles have been pulled too much, worn out and no longer working.

The young singer frowned as he slowly reached for a glass of water, hoping that the irritation in his throat would disappear as he drowned the glass.

\---

And all he wanted to do was to forever hold him in his embrace.

\---

“Junsu is leaving DBSK” Junho speaks with a blank expression.

It’s tears that are rolling down their eyes. Junsu does not say anything as he keeps his head down, bowing in apology.

Changmin turns around to give the leader a piercing stare, as though the youngest were asking _’Is this another prank?’_ but Changmin’s eyes widened as he is given Yunho’s shocked and already tearing expression.

“We’ve already talked to SM, and we’re, Junsu is really sorry for suddenly springing this news on you all without warning.” Junho states, putting a reassuring arm around his younger twin brother.

Covering his eyes, Yoochun chokes into tears. Jaejoong looks at the older Kim brother sceptically but does not say anything as he feels himself tear up in disbelief.

Junsu does not stop crying as he covers his face, not wanting the others to see his tear ridden face and not wanting to look at the tears that he caused to mar his now former members faces.

“I can’t accept this, Su” DBSK’s leader says as he pulls Junsu into his arms “why didn’t you talk to me beforehand?”

Xiah Junsu closes his eyes tightly as Yunho’s hurt and betrayed voice resounds in his head.

“Isn’t music everything, Su?” Yunho asks “What are you going to do if you won’t sing?”

And Junsu clutches tightly onto the other’s shirt, soaking the same shirt with his tears. He could no longer distinguish whether he was crying because he had been forced to leave the group or because he knew that he no longer had a voice.

\---

Xiah Junsu knows that a singer without a voice is no longer a singer. That he vehemently acknowledges.

\---

The phone rings, and Junsu picks up, his eyes softening at the caller id _‘Yunho-hyung’_ He doesn’t know why he picks up, but he does

“Su?” Yunho’s voice speaks, a little cautious.

Junsu listens carefully to the other’s voice.

“Su, we miss you.” Yunho speaks “I miss you”

Junsu wants to tell the other he misses him too. But he can’t. And all he can do is sniff, not wanting to cry, only wanting to be able to speak.

\---

An unfamiliar song reaches his ears as he opens the door to Junsu’s apartment. He recognises that it’s Junsu’s nimble way of playing the piano.

And as swift as the wind, the unfamiliar piece quickly changes into Mozart. Yunho takes a seat and watches the other play the piano. He wonders if Junsu notices he’s in the room.

\---

Yunho comes over again and find that Junsu isn’t playing the piano and ignoring him. Junsu finds himself unable to tell the other that his voice is gone forever.

“I’m surprised you’re not playing piano, Junsu” Yunho speaks, who was expecting to hear Mozart waltz through the small apartment when he walked in.

DBSK’s former member shrugs, he wanted to play piano, but his muscles hurt, weak, sore and tired, he struggled to even lift himself out of bed.

“When do you think your cold will settle?” Yunho asks.

Junsu wants to look away, he doesn’t want to lie to his hyung but he can’t. His eyes just stares deeply at his leader’s perfect face, and gives the other a smile, shrugging again.

‘My voice is gone, hyung’ Junsu mouths, knowing that the other would think that the cause was his apparent cold.

Yunho holds the other’s hands, admiring the other’s long fingers as he strokes them softly “It’s okay, I just wanted to talk a little with you”

Junsu’s eyes do not brighten as he gives the other another pain filled smile.

\---

Junsu ponders over just how much longer music will give him life.

\---

“Did you stretch your vocal cords too far, Junsu?” Jaejoong asks, softly, watching the other with an unreadable expression.

Junsu looks up and gives his hyung a smile, shaking his head and opens his mouth, as though he were speaking as nothing comes out.

“A Mo-tor Neu-ron Dis-or-der?” Jaejoong follows with a whisper. The eldest wonders if he should probe any further. Ask which disorder it is, ask when Junsu found out, ask why he didn’t tell them. Jaejoong drops his eyes, he knows the answers.

The older man wonders if he’d have figured it out in the end, if Junsu’s brother hadn’t tipped him off when they went drinking.

Junsu gives the other a further smile before he turns around to face the piano, as though he were telling the other to listen to his music.

Jaejoong watches as Junsu’s fingers dances across the piano keys most elegantly. And Hero just knows that the song was written for them, the DBSK without Junsu.

\---

Junsu wonders why he isn’t perfect.

\---

He turns the TV open and wonders when he last saw Yunho-hyung, when he last heard the leader’s voice. Junsu watches the other smile on TV and finds that he too naturally smiles too. He presses the keys on the piano, wondering when simply pressing keys took so much effort and gave so much pain in return.

Junsu frowns as he thinks about why he is upset over the lack of his former leader’s attention. It’s not like Junsu was still a part of DBSK. He was already on a separate path, he can’t expect for the other to always be standing behind him, ready to catch him when he stumbles, when he falls.

And Junsu knows he’s already fallen too deep.

The thought of Yunho no longer loving him creeps into his mind, slowly entwining in his thoughts. Junsu slowly picks up a pencil and a piece of paper and starts writing, musical notes and accompanying lyrics and wonders if this love for music will last forever.

\---

There is nothing more Junsu wants.

\---

“He’s ill”

Yunho recognises it as Jaejoong’s voice.

“What do you mean, hyung?” Changmin asks, confused

Yunho stays silent and presses himself against the wall, knowing that the other members inside the room knew something he didn’t know. And he was going to find out.

“Is this about Junsu?” Yoochun asks.

U-Know Yunho’s eyes widens, his fingers gripping tightly as his hands are made into fists.

“It’s serious isn’t it, that’s why he left us” Changmin stated, urgently.

“Yunho doesn’t know” Jaejoong states, solemn and softly.

“How do you even know this? Junsu didn’t even tell leader, why-?” Yoochun speculates

“His brother confessed, and then I confirmed it with Junsu.” Jaejoong said quietly “they thought he was getting better, but it seems like his muscle pains are getting worse.”

“Is hyung dying?” Changmin asks, afraid of the answer himself

Yunho does not wait for the answer as he dashes away “It’s, I don’t believe this” Yunho whispered, determined to conclude the matter himself as he made his way to the apartment Junsu was staying at.

\---

Yunho never knew it was this scary to be so afraid.

\---

Yunho stepped into the room with haste “Su?” he called out, looking. DBSK’s leader stood stunned for a while as his eyes landed on the grand piano in the room, a body, dressed in plain white sprawled over the piano keys. “SU!?” Yunho gasped, quickly making his way towards the slumbering body, ignoring the pieces of sheet music and lyrics that littered the floor.

“Yah! Su!” choked Yunho as he gathered the limp body in his arms, shaking, desperate. He didn’t know why, but tears kept running from his eyes.

He fervently pressed his lips against Junsu’s skin, not wanting to believe that the other’s skin was so cold, so dead, so unresponsive.

The wind blows softly from an open window, the white curtains flutter gently with the wind, scattering the white pieces of paper even more and Yunho holds the lifeless Junsu even closer to himself. He has never felt so lonely.

\---

They learn that the muscles in Junsu’s throat that also stole the singer’s voice failed to work when he ate, consequently, choking the former DBSK member.

\---

Yunho wonders how life can be as fragile as the auburn brown leaves in Autumn.

\---

A couple of days later, Yunho still finds himself in that same room he found Junsu in. This time, he takes the time to leaf through the numerous pieces of paper scattered around the room, he picks them up, one by one and reads through them. He recognises a lot of them. Songs they [DBSK] have been singing ever since Junsu left. Songs written with Junsu’s messy scrawl, lyrics that smiling angel had composed. Yunho couldn’t even imagine how painful it must’ve been for the other to write lyrics for everyone but himself.

And Yunho cries silently over his stupidness, over how he hadn’t known that those songs were written by someone so close, someone he loved so much. He cries as he starts regretting, cursing this world for being so unfair, hoping that fate won’t be so cruel in his next life.

“What...why...” Yunho sprawls himself over the sheet music, his fingers slowly reaching up to run themselves over the white piano keys. Music his Junsu was playing.

“Music is your love, Su-ah”

Yunho doesn’t know if he’s dreaming or not, but as he closed his eyes, he could hear Junsu’s hoarse voice snark back _“And love is life, Yunho-hyung”_

**Extra:**

“I wish you were here with me” Junsu speaks into the phone

“Su...” Yunho starts but is interrupted by the other

“I thought that we were all going to be together, forever”

“I-“

“Is breaking up always this painful?”

“We’re not breaking up”

“Hyung, we are, there are too many cracks to mend”

“It’s an emotional rollercoaster we can deal with”

“I know, but I can’t help but well up at the thought”

“You’re not that weak, Su”

“I’m, Yunho-hyung, I’m so confused”

“You’re not going to lose me no matter what happens”

“I want to sing with a smile”

“I want to be by your side forever too” Yunho states, realising what the other really wanted to say.

“What if this mess never clears up?” Junsu asks, scared, uncertain, sobbing.

“Please don’t cry, such is life.”

“Have I chosen the wrong path, hyung?”

“Just remember to look back and keep in your heart the people that have given, everyone that has contributed to that smile on your face when you’re singing on stage”

“Music is the love of my life, hyung” Junsu confesses and he knows that Yunho will feel hurt, but it’s the truth

“I know” Yunho replies “Even though we can’t be together physically, through music, we can”

“Hyung, I...”

“I’m sorry I’m, we’re, Changmin and I are not there for you, Jaejoong and Yoochun...So long as we still love each other”

“I believe in you, Yunho.”

And Yunho doesn’t want the other to know how much it hurts to know he’s crying with him.

 


End file.
